a. Developing a willingness to change
I once heard the story of someone who was struggling to do something. Their counsellor had helped them work through a list of similar tasks but there was one that was just so big so demanding that they could not face doing it. The counsellor took them a step backwards. She asked them if they would be willing to be willing to do it. They said that they were not able to do that. So she took them a step further back and asked them if they were wiling to be willing to be willing to do it. That was OK. After they had settled that issue, the counsellor moved forwards again and asked them if they were willing to be willing to change and this time they were ready to do that. Once they had got to that stage the counsellor asked them if they were now willing to do what they needed to do.
That goes to show that there are times when we just cannot face going forwards and dealing with situations. We can only handle so much at any one time. If we are pushed too hard or are asked to deal with something that is more than we can handle it will only create more problems.
One of the problems that we may face is that the thing that we need to change is so much a part of us that we cannot believe that it is possible to change it. We can be so firm in our beliefs that nothing or no one can change them. A mental health professional would describe someone who held a wrong belief like others hated them so much that they wanted them dead so strongly that nothing would shake them as having a delusion.
The problem is that if we believe lies like we are no good or that good things cannot happen to someone like us we cannot move on into all that we can be. Remember the belief expectation cycle mentioned earlier. If we believe the lie that we should be treated badly we then expect things to happen then we encourage people to treat us badly and the experience of being treated badly reinforces that belief. The difficult bit is working out what the lie is so that we can do something to change the situation. The lies that we tell ourselves can feel so much a part of us that we think other people are crazy when they us the truth.
If we just accept the things that prevent us from moving on and becoming all that we can be then nothing can change. Once we have made the decision to do something different and are willing to overcome the limitations we can move on to the next step in the process and do something about them.
We have to take responsibility to change ourselves and when we do that the environment around us changes. There are people who find themselves in a difficult situation so decided to move on only to find that after some time they find themselves in the same situation all over again. It is as if the problems they have chase them from job to job, relationship to relationship, even town to town. They look for something new believing that this time things will change. It cannot change until the one constant in those situations changes i.e. them. It is easy to blame everyone else for our situation and deny that it is anything to do with us. If it is nothing to do with us then nothing can be done about it so we will stay where we are. If we believe that things can change and that we have a part in changing them then they can be changed. Change starts with a choice do we go forwards or do we stay where we are. If we want to start blossoming them then it starts with our choice to take responsibility to see things changed in and around us so that we can.